we will become silhouettes

I graduate in 12 fucking days. 8 school days left. I’m so excited. I got my drivers license in April. Didn’t fail the second attempt. Scratched Mom’s car but she was okay.

I’m pretty fucking annoyed at this point. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed and go to school. Everyone is annoying. I see shit like, “you smoke to enjoy it, I smoke to die” which is silly. I like this girl, but smoking isn’t something you do to look awesome. I smoke because I’m fucking addicted. End of story.

And all this vampire shit. Grow up. Vampires don’t exist.

I went to NYC and prom. Prom was balls. NYC was amazing.

My math teacher has lost several of my assignments and is making me to them over and over. One quiz, I had to take 4 times over. She’s failing me this 9 weeks, even though I’ve been doing my work. Because she’s failing at being a teacher.

Pictures below.

killing myself*~

Here’s one from NYC outside of radio city music hall. Us getting a fix. lol

The way there was miserable. This fat bitch was just stepping on my last nerve. She hit me with a water bottle while I was asleep. Also, a piece of candy that she licked. Disgusting.

The second day was fun. We got to meet our friend Nick, whom we play xbox live with. Nerds.

The third day was balls. It rained, my shoes got soaked, and the ride home was also gay. A friend of mine, who I do love very much, is so loud. Sorry honey.

I got home and showered and slept for like 14 hours.

I’m going to head off here and get my shit together. I’ve been at Ryan’s for a few days.

So these last few days have been crazy.

Mom and Ash ‘broke up,’ he left the house, stayed in a hotel, packed his things. Today they got back together. Because of my advice.

I have to type up my whole research paper/works cited page tomorrow, plus 2 exams, and work on my product a little. It’ll be alright though, it’s nothing too hard.

I go to attempt my driving test tomorrow, the only thing i’m worried about is parallel parking. Which really isn’t too awful. I’m sure I”ll do fine.

I have 39 days of school left. For good.

I’m tired.

I don’t really want to go to school tomorrow, but I’m not going tuesday. Miss Wv is coming and I don’t really care to sit and hear her dumbass talk for 3 hours.

Ryan just left my house. I really miss him.

I went up to Dad’s today and was there for a little while. My dog is getting so big. (and stupid)

I don’t have anything to talk about. Byeeeee

Seriously? I get a call today. Just cause I’m 18 now everyone wants to me buy them cigarettes. okay, I smoke, but I’m not going to buy them for minors. When that’s all they want me to be there for. And, I know for a fact when I get my license in a week people will try and use me for rides. I feel like no one appreciates me, save for my family. What do I do that’s great? fucking nothing. Nothing I do is good enough for anyone.

I’m a pushover. I get called stupid and a moron and made fun of all the time. By people I dearly love. And you know how shitty that makes me feel? 

I’m graduating with a 78 average. Wow. What great colleges I can get into.  I’m math retarded, and when I take my ACT I’ll probably fail miserably.

What am I good for? Who cares about how Kerri feels? We can hurt her and use her all we want and she’ll come back to us because if we’re nice to her afterwards she’ll be okay.

Try having your fucking Dad come home one day and be like, “I’m leaving for war! I’ll see you in a couple years, if I don’t get killed over there.” Then your parents split. You don’t know who to live with cause you’re scared you’ll hurt the others feelings. Then, your dad marries a controlling cunt. She kicks you out, makes fun of you, throws your things away. Then try dealing with wanting to cause yourself as much harm as possible.  Then everyone thinking you’re crazy. Just because you swear to god that kitten will freeze to death. bring him in, watch him get kicked. And then that’s how you feel. Who cares? Why is this being in our house? We don’t want you here. You’re different than us.  Leave our house right now. Then you watch the person you love get hurt. And not believe that you’re here for them.

Too much is on my mind. Don’t fucking pity me.

Today was decent. I Have 10 days to finish my research paper, so that’s a weigh off me. I thought it was due in like three. I have until my presentation to do my product, and I’m going to start on it tomorrow. It’s going to be a bust of an alien, I guess.

I can’t wait until next month..Everything awesome starts. I decided that Ryan and I are going to Warped Tour this year. That’ll be fun.

I love whale bitches. Shit’s starting again with one of Ryan’s exes, and I’m not going to be so nice this time. Oh, and her cunt sister was giving me the evil eye today. It was cool.

And I got in a bitch fight today. And then made out with my best girl friend. It was interesting.

I’m going to quit smoking..It’s too expensive, honestly. I need to save my money. For other things. I guess I’m going to go have a cigarette and sleep.

Been up to a lot lately. I’m almost finished with my senior project, I ended up doing it on UFOs which is an interesting subject in my opinion. Everyone’s doing theres on dumb shit like OMG TWILIGHT or SCHOOL VIOLENCE LOL

I bought my prom dress the other day, see?

I’m excited about all of this. Next month I go to hilton head. Then, 2 weeks later, NYC, then prom, and graduation. I don’t think anyone shares my excitement though, save for my family.

I hope everything goes well, really. I’m sure it will.

I just want everything to be done, honestly. I don’t want to have to get up every day and deal with little shithead kids. 46 more days to go.

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately about certain things. I feel like I’m not good enough for anything. But honestly, who gives a goddamn.

I guess I’m going to go. I’m going back to Ryan’s so we can watch signs.

I hate today. I had to take 3 exams within a couple hours and that was stressful. I ended up waiting on a ride for an hour. I got to Ryan’s and it was fine until later. I’m not going to go into it.

I just feel like everyone has something to hide from me and enjoys hurting me. But hey, what do I deserve.

With that being over, I’m hungry and tired. I have to get up in 5 hours to start my new classes tomorrow. Fuck.. At least I have classes with friends.

I don’t have much to talk about.

I haven’t updated in around a month, wow.

Things have changed, quite a bit..I guess I can start at christmas?

My christmas was nice. I got a 120gb Zune, a BUNCH of smell good stuff from Mom, Ash, and Patty. A couple walmart cards, a 100.00 barnes & noble gift card, and with that I bought 9 books. I got a beautiful ring from Ryan, and Dinner and a tattoo from my Dad. New years was fine, I spent it with Ryan of course. We watched movies and talked all night.

Then, in the beginning of January, Denver had a heart attack. I mean, not just a little one, one bad enough to knock him into a coma and stop his heart.

The first couple of days he kind of opened his eyes a little bit, moved, but didn’t really look at anyone. About a week into his stay, I was holding his hand, he squeezed my hand a bit, turned his head towards me, and looked right at me. I said, “Hey, old man,” and he kind of lifted his eyebrows, looked right in my eyes, looked directly at Ryan, and turned his head the other way and closed his eyes. He didn’t move, open his eyes, or anything like that, ever again.

Now that I think about it, I think he left right then.

He passed a few days later, he was on a ventilator. They decided to take him off, because we all knew he wouldn’t want to live like that. He died at about 11:10, January 13th.

The wake was depressing. I got to meet a lot of the family. Same goes with the funeral. The world lost an amazing individual. I didn’t know him for very long, but he grew on me. I loved him like i’d love my own family. He was always so funny and friendly with me, and I’ll never forget that old coot.

Nothing more to say, really. I’ve been staying with Ryan for almost a week. He needs the company.

I’ve been okay, exhausted more than anything. School is boring me to death. Senioritis FTW.

I can’t wait to graduate..Mom’s giving me two thousand dollars if I go every day unless I’m sick. In May, I’ll be going to NYC, then prom, then graduation. I’m so excited. I plan on saving that money so I can get an apartment in my neighborhood, then Ryan will be moving in and helping me out. and when I start working, I’m getting a new car.

Christmas is in a week. I bought Ryan a promise ring, and he’s getting me one too. or hopefully he still is, since he hasn’t gone out and got it yet.

I went out to dinner with Dad, Todd, and Ryan tonight at Applebee’s. It was delicious And it was also nice seeing them.

I had to get a replacement phone for mine, because the screen shit out and stopped responding to touch. So, they sent me a new one.

Well, I have something to do. More later.