we will become silhouettes

I’m at school in english class. We’re on computers, so I figured i’d update for the hell of it.

I don’t really feel good today. I didn’t get much sleep and i’ve been coughing my head off, it’s no good at all. I don’t want to be here at all, really. Here in about an hour i’m leaving; Ryan is picking me up over at the votec before my 4th block. I need to call him here in a few minutes, he’s probably still asleep.

Dad wants me to stay with him tonight. I don’t know if I will or not, because Amy and her kids are there and I don’t really want to deal with them right now. I’ve had a stressful past couple days, and it’s not exactly what I need.

Ryan and I are going to watch American Gangster tonight and that’ll be good. Yesterday I went to blockbuster to get 30 days of night, but we got jewed and it wasn’t there. Oh well.

This one kid bothers me so much. He sits on the other side of the room, and he just never shuts the hell up. Also, today we had a program, and nobody would be quiet. It was actually interesting and I wanted to hear, but I couldn’t because of these loudmouthed idiots behind me. It was so irritating.

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I kept waking up too, I don’t know why. I just did. I think i’m going to go now, because I have some reading to do.

I’m okay, I suppose. School has been cancelled for the past two days because of snow, and it’s been a welcome break. I’ve only been to school one full day this week and it’s been nice.

Yesterday I went to the mall with Ryan, and that was fun. We went to the arcade and I made him play DDR with me. lolz. Then we got stuck leaving, it was so snowy.

Today has been alright. I haven’t exactly had the best day, really. All i’ve done is sleep and read. Doty wanted to hang out today but he called me and woke me up, and I told him to call me back later and he hasn’t, so i’m assuming we aren’t going to. Later i’m going to rent 30 Days of Night, so Ryan and I can watch it tomorrow. Damn good movie.

I started the BC and it hasn’t changed a thing. Usually, you’ll get side affects within the first few days and thank god, I haven’t. The only thing that’s changed is my face cleared up like magic.

Speaking of magic, i’m almost done with The Deathly Hallows. It’s probably the best one so far, besides the Order of the Phoenix. /geek

This morning Ryan called me and said his ex called him and talked to him for like 2 hours. It wasn’t exactly the best thing to hear first thing in the morning. I’d say something to her, but we get along now, and I don’t exactly want to ruin that and be an ass to her. I mean, I do like her, but I do get suspicious of people motives. Maybe i’m just being a cynical bitch. Maybe i’m not.

I miss the summer. I miss my best friend and I miss not being in school. I miss staying with my grandma and my aunt. I miss going to the beach. Nostalgia, ftw.

I don’t know… I need a hug.

Today ended horribly.

Mom let me be with Ryan for 4 hours, which wasn’t the bad part at all. She came across a blog that he wrote ranting about her. And you don’t know how much shit it caused. She came in the room, and started to yell at me. Then her and Ryan got into an arguement, which ended badly. I was very upset for a little while, and Mom said some things to Ryan that were very out of line.

I just don’t understand why she acts like she does towards him and I, and she’s being extremely double-standard. Whether she wants to admit it or not. Age is just a number, nothing more. I’m not stupid.

She got all upset on me out of nowhere and started crying and said I don’t lover her anymore and I don’t respect her. Of course I love her, but when people act a certain way i’m going to lose respect for them. I respect her some, but not as much. it wasn’t right what she said to him and it isn’t right what she does.

I swear to god, as soon as I turn 18, my ass is leaving this house. Hopefully this disaster of a town.

I don’t feel very good since all of that, really. Mom better not limit him and I’s time together more than she does, because I love him. I hate that him and Mom are fighting because I love them both. But honestly, Ryan didn’t deserve what he got tonight. At all.

I hate being treated like a child just because i’m a minor. I’m not a child, I don’t act like one, I’m sure as hell smarter than one, and I can think for myself. I don’t like being talked down to. I don’t like being caught in the middle. I don’t like this house. I don’t like this situation.

Nothing is going to mess this up. Not if I can help it.

Today feels like it’s going to be a good day.

Dad called and woke me up this morning, telling me he got a new tattoo. And if I want, he’ll take me to get one. He doesn’t care all of a sudden. Later i’m going out with Ryan, and that’ll be good. Always is. Then tonight, Dad wants to go to a movie. I might stay with him, seeing as Amy and her hellspawn are in Williamsburg.

I was up until 5:30 this morning. I actually got a lot accomplished. I did a 16×20 painting of Master Chief, finished my Harry Potter book, and cleaned my room up a bit. I’m proud of myself.

I’m thinking about getting another geek tattoo. I might get the tree of Gondor on my side.

I slept good. I’m in a good mood today. I hope it lasts.

I’m okay. I slept horrible.

The weather is nice today, for a change. It’s not like freezing or anything. Yesterday was so boring. I did absolutely nothing. I sat on the computer all day and gained about 5 pounds. Then I read for a while and went to sleep.

I want to go to the beach really bad. I don’t know why.

Ryan and I are going to do something today. I sent him a message, but apparantly he’s not awake. I’ll probably just call him here in a few minutes.

I’m home by myself again. I hate waking up to an empty house.

I’m alright today. My weekend had been decent.

I bought a pretty black dress yesterday! I had Kristen and Ryan over. We watched movies and ate. It was fun. They didn’t like the Harry Potter movie, which was a fail. Kristen stayed the night and that’s all we did, was watch tv and eat.

Today I haven’t done anything of interest. Everyone’s arguing. Mom and Ash are at it, and Ryan and Nick were, and it’s sort of stressing me out. I hate hearing people yell at each other. It irritates me, for some reason.

I don’t know what else to talk about. Not much has changed.

Today was gooood.

I didn’t go to school. I woke up at around 1 pm, and then went to go get bloodwork. Eh, it wasn’t bad, I was just dizzy afterwards. They had to take 7 vials.

I came home and then got ready. Ryan came over and gave me my valentine’s gifts, and they were so sweeet. He got me a cute bear, some chocolate, candles, and a card. The card was the sweetest thing ever, and I hope he liked his stuff.

Ash lost the appeal. They aren’t even going to give him another chance, so they’re going to start taking his things. I feel really sorry for him.

I started a painting of an octopus in 1st block. And i’m almost done with Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix. It’s pretty amazing, I must say.

I think i’m getting sick. I’m all dizzy and I think I have a fever, and I have a headache. I’ll probably have to go to school anyways, though.

Today was good. I went to school and that went by fast. Then Ryan picked me up, and we went to his place and cuddled! Then we came back to my house for a bit, until Mom ran him off. Which made me extremely mad.

I swear, i’m moving out the day I turn 18. That’s all i’m going to say. I’m getting really fed up with all this shit.

I don’t have much to say.

I love you Ryan!

I feel better, I guess.

I’ve been on the phone for a while. I took some sleeping meds earlier, but I don’t feel any different. I’ve taken 8 in the past 24 hours, and that’s probably not good. I’m surprised i’m awake.

I really don’t want to go to school. I haven’t been for…3 days? And it feels like yesterday I went. I mean, it’ll give me something to do and all, but I just don’t want to get up. I complain too much, sorry.

I was talking to Ryan earlier about how much we’ve changed. I used to be such an angry kid, really. In like..8th to 10th grade I was a completely different person. I threw screaming fits, yelled at people, threw shit, and did other things i’m not very proud of. But i’m different now, because i’m happy, I believe.

I can’t wait to move out of my house. I don’t think I could live here longer than i’d have to. It just gets rediculous here sometimes, and it’s retarded. Mom and Ash are weird about everything. Ash’s ‘rules’ are unreasonable. (He won’t let Ryan in my bedroom, for example.) He’s always onto Mom about the dumbest things ever, and I don’t see how she’s put up with it for this long. They fight over the most childish things. It gets on my nerves.

I don’t see how Dad has put up with Amy this long, either. I can’t stand that woman.

I need to be getting to bed soon, so i’ll leave it at this before I go on and on.

Nobody seems to be in a good mood at all, really. School was on 2 hour delay, but I stayed home. I slept most of the day and then woke up at about 4 pm. They should have cancelled, though. The wind chill was like, -30 this morning. And that’s not something kids need to be out in.

Dad dropped our books off at the office this morning, and i’m going to be so mad if they misplace anything. My Harry Potter book doesn’t have a name on it, so knowing my luck, someone will lose it. If that happens, i’m going to raise hell. Angry geeks are scary, i’m telling you.

My friend Kimberly wants to get together and paint. And I think i’ll do that, she’s a lot of fun.

I really don’t want to go to school tomorrow. I’m tired of it. I hate getting up and going to my classes. I don’t like walking over to the votec when it’s cold. I’m already constantly sick as it is, so that doesn’t help. But I guess i’ll have to deal with it for one more year. Then it’ll be done with for good. I can’t wait to get out of here.

I didn’t wake up in a shitty mood and I wish I wasn’t in such a shitty mood. This is probably stupid, but I realized a few minutes ago that I hate when people talk to me with their mouth full. For god sakes, I can’t understand you.

Eh, i’m going to find something to do.