we will become silhouettes

I really need to get some things out.

I don’t trust hardly anyone. I always feel like someone’s going to fuck me over. I feel compared to others and I feel like I’ll never be as good as them to someone. I feel like everyone thinks I’m stupid, controlling, and arrogant. I feel like everyone I love is going to hurt me one day. I feel like I have few true friends here. I feel like I don’t deserve anything. I feel like it’s my fault when someone or something dies. I feel like I could have done better or I could have done something differently and they would have lived. I feel like I’m never going to be good enough, someone will always come along or they’ll remember someone they liked better. I feel ignored. I feel like everyone will leave me one day. I feel like people do things behind my back. I feel like people think I’m ignorant. I feel like I’m treated like a child. I feel judged. I feel held back. I feel like I’m loved out of sympathy. I feel talentless. I feel outdone. I feel like someone else did better. I feel like people want to hurt me.

I’m done.

I don’t update this normally any more. I just don’t remember to, or whatever. I’ll try. It’s not like anyone reads it though.

The past week or so KK has been texting me several times a day asking me where I am, what I’m doing etc. Coming from her, it’s probably her mom nosing in my business.  Then, all three of them add me on myspace. The other day I get a phone call from McKenzie. One of the church leaders wants me to call her. Today, she calls me again. And Tiffany wants me to call her. Guess what? Not going to happen. Why should I go out of my way, if they didn’t for months?

They talked a looot of shit about me there, and I’ll never go back. Besides, they’re sheep.

So school is about to start. I have a few weeks left of summer. I have senior pictures the 18th, and I’m pretty much looking forward to that.

I got my ears to 15/16″ and I have a monroe piercing now. It hurt quite a bit, honestly.

I’m just going to completely sever ties with Amy and them. They’re nothing but trouble. I plan on changing my number soon.

Enough for now, I’ll update when I can remember.