we will become silhouettes

So these last few days have been crazy.

Mom and Ash ‘broke up,’ he left the house, stayed in a hotel, packed his things. Today they got back together. Because of my advice.

I have to type up my whole research paper/works cited page tomorrow, plus 2 exams, and work on my product a little. It’ll be alright though, it’s nothing too hard.

I go to attempt my driving test tomorrow, the only thing i’m worried about is parallel parking. Which really isn’t too awful. I’m sure I”ll do fine.

I have 39 days of school left. For good.

I’m tired.

I don’t really want to go to school tomorrow, but I’m not going tuesday. Miss Wv is coming and I don’t really care to sit and hear her dumbass talk for 3 hours.

Ryan just left my house. I really miss him.

I went up to Dad’s today and was there for a little while. My dog is getting so big. (and stupid)

I don’t have anything to talk about. Byeeeee

Seriously? I get a call today. Just cause I’m 18 now everyone wants to me buy them cigarettes. okay, I smoke, but I’m not going to buy them for minors. When that’s all they want me to be there for. And, I know for a fact when I get my license in a week people will try and use me for rides. I feel like no one appreciates me, save for my family. What do I do that’s great? fucking nothing. Nothing I do is good enough for anyone.

I’m a pushover. I get called stupid and a moron and made fun of all the time. By people I dearly love. And you know how shitty that makes me feel? 

I’m graduating with a 78 average. Wow. What great colleges I can get into.  I’m math retarded, and when I take my ACT I’ll probably fail miserably.

What am I good for? Who cares about how Kerri feels? We can hurt her and use her all we want and she’ll come back to us because if we’re nice to her afterwards she’ll be okay.

Try having your fucking Dad come home one day and be like, “I’m leaving for war! I’ll see you in a couple years, if I don’t get killed over there.” Then your parents split. You don’t know who to live with cause you’re scared you’ll hurt the others feelings. Then, your dad marries a controlling cunt. She kicks you out, makes fun of you, throws your things away. Then try dealing with wanting to cause yourself as much harm as possible.  Then everyone thinking you’re crazy. Just because you swear to god that kitten will freeze to death. bring him in, watch him get kicked. And then that’s how you feel. Who cares? Why is this being in our house? We don’t want you here. You’re different than us.  Leave our house right now. Then you watch the person you love get hurt. And not believe that you’re here for them.

Too much is on my mind. Don’t fucking pity me.

Today was decent. I Have 10 days to finish my research paper, so that’s a weigh off me. I thought it was due in like three. I have until my presentation to do my product, and I’m going to start on it tomorrow. It’s going to be a bust of an alien, I guess.

I can’t wait until next month..Everything awesome starts. I decided that Ryan and I are going to Warped Tour this year. That’ll be fun.

I love whale bitches. Shit’s starting again with one of Ryan’s exes, and I’m not going to be so nice this time. Oh, and her cunt sister was giving me the evil eye today. It was cool.

And I got in a bitch fight today. And then made out with my best girl friend. It was interesting.

I’m going to quit smoking..It’s too expensive, honestly. I need to save my money. For other things. I guess I’m going to go have a cigarette and sleep.

Been up to a lot lately. I’m almost finished with my senior project, I ended up doing it on UFOs which is an interesting subject in my opinion. Everyone’s doing theres on dumb shit like OMG TWILIGHT or SCHOOL VIOLENCE LOL

I bought my prom dress the other day, see?

I’m excited about all of this. Next month I go to hilton head. Then, 2 weeks later, NYC, then prom, and graduation. I don’t think anyone shares my excitement though, save for my family. :/

I hope everything goes well, really. I’m sure it will.

I just want everything to be done, honestly. I don’t want to have to get up every day and deal with little shithead kids. 46 more days to go.

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately about certain things. I feel like I’m not good enough for anything. But honestly, who gives a goddamn.

I guess I’m going to go. I’m going back to Ryan’s so we can watch signs.