we will become silhouettes

Today was decent. I Have 10 days to finish my research paper, so that’s a weigh off me. I thought it was due in like three. I have until my presentation to do my product, and I’m going to start on it tomorrow. It’s going to be a bust of an alien, I guess.

I can’t wait until next month..Everything awesome starts. I decided that Ryan and I are going to Warped Tour this year. That’ll be fun.

I love whale bitches. Shit’s starting again with one of Ryan’s exes, and I’m not going to be so nice this time. Oh, and her cunt sister was giving me the evil eye today. It was cool.

And I got in a bitch fight today. And then made out with my best girl friend. It was interesting.

I’m going to quit smoking..It’s too expensive, honestly. I need to save my money. For other things. I guess I’m going to go have a cigarette and sleep.

Been up to a lot lately. I’m almost finished with my senior project, I ended up doing it on UFOs which is an interesting subject in my opinion. Everyone’s doing theres on dumb shit like OMG TWILIGHT or SCHOOL VIOLENCE LOL

I bought my prom dress the other day, see?

I’m excited about all of this. Next month I go to hilton head. Then, 2 weeks later, NYC, then prom, and graduation. I don’t think anyone shares my excitement though, save for my family. :/

I hope everything goes well, really. I’m sure it will.

I just want everything to be done, honestly. I don’t want to have to get up every day and deal with little shithead kids. 46 more days to go.

I’ve been under a lot of stress lately about certain things. I feel like I’m not good enough for anything. But honestly, who gives a goddamn.

I guess I’m going to go. I’m going back to Ryan’s so we can watch signs.

I hate today. I had to take 3 exams within a couple hours and that was stressful. I ended up waiting on a ride for an hour. I got to Ryan’s and it was fine until later. I’m not going to go into it.

I just feel like everyone has something to hide from me and enjoys hurting me. But hey, what do I deserve.

With that being over, I’m hungry and tired. I have to get up in 5 hours to start my new classes tomorrow. Fuck.. At least I have classes with friends.

I don’t have much to talk about.

I haven’t updated in around a month, wow.

Things have changed, quite a bit..I guess I can start at christmas?

My christmas was nice. I got a 120gb Zune, a BUNCH of smell good stuff from Mom, Ash, and Patty. A couple walmart cards, a 100.00 barnes & noble gift card, and with that I bought 9 books. I got a beautiful ring from Ryan, and Dinner and a tattoo from my Dad. New years was fine, I spent it with Ryan of course. We watched movies and talked all night.

Then, in the beginning of January, Denver had a heart attack. I mean, not just a little one, one bad enough to knock him into a coma and stop his heart.

The first couple of days he kind of opened his eyes a little bit, moved, but didn’t really look at anyone. About a week into his stay, I was holding his hand, he squeezed my hand a bit, turned his head towards me, and looked right at me. I said, “Hey, old man,” and he kind of lifted his eyebrows, looked right in my eyes, looked directly at Ryan, and turned his head the other way and closed his eyes. He didn’t move, open his eyes, or anything like that, ever again.

Now that I think about it, I think he left right then.

He passed a few days later, he was on a ventilator. They decided to take him off, because we all knew he wouldn’t want to live like that. He died at about 11:10, January 13th.

The wake was depressing. I got to meet a lot of the family. Same goes with the funeral. The world lost an amazing individual. I didn’t know him for very long, but he grew on me. I loved him like i’d love my own family. He was always so funny and friendly with me, and I’ll never forget that old coot.

Nothing more to say, really. I’ve been staying with Ryan for almost a week. He needs the company.

I’ve been okay, exhausted more than anything. School is boring me to death. Senioritis FTW.

I can’t wait to graduate..Mom’s giving me two thousand dollars if I go every day unless I’m sick. In May, I’ll be going to NYC, then prom, then graduation. I’m so excited. I plan on saving that money so I can get an apartment in my neighborhood, then Ryan will be moving in and helping me out. and when I start working, I’m getting a new car.

Christmas is in a week. I bought Ryan a promise ring, and he’s getting me one too. or hopefully he still is, since he hasn’t gone out and got it yet.

I went out to dinner with Dad, Todd, and Ryan tonight at Applebee’s. It was delicious And it was also nice seeing them.

I had to get a replacement phone for mine, because the screen shit out and stopped responding to touch. So, they sent me a new one.

Well, I have something to do. More later.

Been a while since last update. Been pretty busy. School’s going the same. I hate it, but hey whatever. It’s my last year and I”m going to try to make the best of it.

Thanksgiving was nice. I woke up early and had dinner with Mom, Todd, Ash and Ryan. Then after that, we went to Ryan’s place and watched a good movie and ate some more. Over all, It was a good day.

I ordered some nice things yesterday. (Early Christmas) and along with those I got a 120gb Zune. I’m so excited.

Other than all of that..Nothing interesting. I’ve been fighting off a nasty cold for the past week and I’m just now starting to feel better. Also, I read all the Harry Potter books again. I started on The Secret Goldfish, and after that, I’ll probably read Moby Dick. I counted, and I’ve read 24 books this year. Holy shit!

Well, now I’m going to get off here, and finish packing, then eat and call the boyfriend. All for now.

I haven’t updated in forever. Sorry to anyone that actually reads this.

So this morning is already shitty. I woke up earlier, to see that it was already 8, so I guess I was going in late. Then Mom calls. I didn’t get to sleep until almost 4, so when I woke up I was all dizzy and shit. So I ask her, “Hey, can you take me in at lunch? My first 2 classes aren’t required to graduate, and I’m already late so It’s no big deal.” And then she goes off on me. Slams the door in my face and leaves.

I really like hateful people. It’s no big deal that people piss me off on a daily basis, I hardly sleep during the week, and then I feel like shit. Yeah, no big deal at all. Nothing bad to deal with. /sarcasm

I’m really glad it’s the weekend..I need to get out of this house for a couple days and not worry about anything. I’ll get to go see my brother and my dad.

I can’t wait until I turn 18 and I don’t have to deal with this. She needs to cut the cord.

Oh..Ryan and I rescued a kitten. It originally belonged to these neighbor kids, but they treated it like shit. So one night I was on my way home and it’s snowing, I see a little kitten in the ditch. I got out of the car and we took her inside. She’s the sweetest thing ever.

I guess I’m going to head off here. I’m going to rest and have a smoke. Until later.

I still hate school. My teeth still hurt. I’m going to the dentist Thursday so they can set a date to cut my wisdom teeth out.

Things with Ryan and I are going well. Friday makes 14 months :]

Oh..Another Mom and Ash situation has come up. He won’t marry her, he keeps giving excuses. She’s basically told him to get out and he didn’t. So she’s giving him until March to make a definite day set, etc or he’s leaving. A lot of stuff with them has happened over the past few days and it’s ridiculous.

Later on this month I’m going up to Strasburg, with Mom, possibly Ash, Todd and Ryan. We’re staying in a nice hotel and I’m really looking forward to it. I miss my family.

I need a haircut..

I’m going to lay down and wait for the boyfriend to call.

I’m pretty down. I feel like things are different and some sort of resentment is harbored towards me